Are you doing the Crimbo Limbo?
The big C Day has happened! All the excitement, organising, wrapping and rushing around to finish the final touches… You made it through…. hopefully having had some great times… hopefully in one piece. Now what? Enter the Crimbo Limbo.
Whatever your situation is; back at work or time off with the family and friends, these days between Christmas and New Year are usually interesting and challenging for many people.
For many, this is a time of reflection. This time is synonymous with strong emotions as families and friends come together in an often longed-for but fairly forced situation. With the potential happiness, there may also be feelings of disappointment in your expectations not being met, or behaviours of loved ones may have raised an eyebrow or two. Perhaps you feel dread and anxiety of knowing that you have to go back to a job you don’t enjoy or just back to a normality you’re unhappy with. However, it could just be none of the above, but an interesting time of escapism, or deeper bonding than normal! It could be so many things, and that’s intriguing in itself.
It’s the time of transition from Christmas to the end of the year and in this case it’s the end of a decade. So it’s a bit like being in no mans land and for many of us that brings up a host of thoughts and feelings that we may not be ready or willing to deal with. Especially after indulging heavily throughout the party season and Christmas Day which is both wonderful, and dangerous for our moods (and belly’s!).
This time is to recoup or convalesce. To slow down and take stock, or to just slow down and not take stock. That’s fine too. In fact, this is the ideal time to be mindful. Of what we have. Of where we are. Who we are, or just be in the moment. Not thinking about much. Just being. Perhaps reading the mountain of books you intended to read? Or even a paragraph will do!
If you’re like me, being self employed, I find it hard to switch off. Despite my best efforts that inner critic pops up and piles on the guilt; of not doing enough work to take a break, of eating too much, of not doing enough with the kids, of having a messy house, of not having enough time for myself, etc. I’m sure you can identify with some of that? Being in Crimbo Limbo is actually something i crave and find so hard. It’s the push-pull of my life. Longing for time to unwind, yet when I have it, the feeling that i’m not doing something I could be.
Being out of the normal is attractive, but it’s actually a bit of a shock to the system.
On top of this, we see media messaging everywhere pushing us into thinking about a new or better version of ourselves. Forcing us to question what’s wrong with the old me? Reframing this though, perhaps this can help us to embrace a time of forced transition for the good. Setting intentions for the year instead of making plans is a kinder way to do this. I am personally so over this “new year, new you” bollocks. If you are doing okay, then you’re doing okay and that’s enough. However, if you feel like something is missing and you’d like to have something to look forward to in 2020, then perhaps use this time to reflect on that and work out what would help you fulfil your intentions.
Christmas is a time of decadence, escapism and over-indulgence. We find our “naughty selves” and say and do things that we may not normally do because we step into a version of ourselves we deem is “our Christmas persona”. And, because of the sparkle around us we long for the same in our lives. Whilst this is a useful reminder of areas we can create a little twinkly magic, it can often leave us feeling lacking. So taking stock of what you have and what is coming into your life and being grateful is pretty handy at this time of year.
Lest we not forget that this time of year is in fact “man made”. It’s actually no different to the rest of the year, except we choose to see it as different. The nature of the mind is that if we choose to see it as different, and believe it is, then it will feel it too. Knowing this can help if you’re struggling with anxieties of events passed or worries about the future right now.
All that traveling to the main event and now we gotta go all the way back home…
In the Western World, for many reasons we grow up believing Christmas to be a time of abundance of joy and peace; of giving and of receiving. Depending on your upbringing, your parents and relatives would have showered you with gifts and overindulgence of all things that are generally considered “bad” for us. Treats that we are told we shouldn’t actually have! An interesting message to give a child and certainly one we are conditioned to for life, which in itself is worth a moments thought…
In reality, Christmas is a time of escapism. A time where we shelve our woes if we can and celebrate. We come together with friends, family and loved ones and we use the idea of Christmas as an opportunity to dive in and over indulge to celebrate what exactly? I think that a lot of us don’t even stop to think exactly what it is we’re celebrating; it is merely an excuse to put on a party dress and drink and eat too much and hopefully laugh a lot and have fun! Evidently our bank balances get a bashing and we shrug it off with a guilty abandon. The Crimbo Limbo is a useful time to recognise this and reflect on the real reasons we need this escapism and to offer others love and kindness; to do something for someone else other than ourselves for instance, even if you do feel you deserve all the good in the world after working so hard, it’s the most incredible feeling in the world to help others less fortunate at this time.
When you become a parent, Christmas takes on a whole new meaning and for some it is a dream come true; something they may have wished for a long time and they embrace it. Christmas takes on a meaning that they had always desired; perhaps there was something missing from the childhood that didn’t match up to their dreams or hopes; their aspirations of what Christmas time means and for others it is a feeling of huge adjustment. Christmas and the holidays are no longer a time of free abandonment when we have little responsibility and a baby will mean that they can’t do what they used to do; quite simply, those days have changed. It doesn’t mean they are over but it’s an adjustment and a transformation into a new way of looking at this time and so for some it may bring about a whole new meaning and help them to take stock of what Christmas really is all about but for others it may bring feelings of resentment or of loss and with that come feelings of guilt and shame. A real push and pull, ambivalence at it’s most prominent.
A new baby brings about a time of transformation much like that of Christmas or a Wedding. There’s a big build up to the main event, which is over in a day, or a few days. The anticipations, expectations and expense are HUGE. We fantasise about how it will be through rose-tinted glasses and often go through the actual event in such a whirl of adrenaline and stress/excitement that we have to think hard about what actually happened on reflection. Then comes the lull. The calm after the storm. The no mans land. The time to reflect, to recoup, to do as much or as little as you had planned. To heal and to embrace the connections. This can be so hard because we have invested so much into the main event. But just like a rollercoaster, we have to go down after being up, such is life. Take this as an opportunity to coast for a while and soften into the resistance if you can, or distract yourself with a good movie or a good old game of Black Jack or Monopoly!
Here are my top tips to get through the Limbo:
Ride the waves. Expect that you may be having highs and lows. Have an idea of how you can best manage this
Take time to find some routine again
Take time for some self care
Be grateful and mindful of what you have and who you have around you
Ensure you drink enough water - this over indulgence leaves us ALL feeling lower (too much of a good thing does that, unfortunately). So flush out those toxins and along with them any bad feelings too.
Get outside or do some exercise
Breathe - just 5 slow, deep breaths from your abdomen can help trigger your inner calm switch and bring some clarity.
If you have a lot on your mind, write it down
Set intentions, instead of making plans. Be flexible, it’s kinder.
Be kind to yourself. If that inner critic is being loud, ask yourself why you are talking to yourself this way, how realistic you are being and would you think or say that to a friend?
Hugs. The love stuff is what keeps us alive - and together. Put differences aside and hold your family and friends - a hug with intent is felt and heals in an instant.
Forgive - yourself, and others. Letting it go can be so hard, but have the Fk It attitude and see how much better you feel. So what if the Turkey was dry? So what if your drunken Uncle started another family feud? F**k IT.
Do stuff together; board games, card games, walks. Have conversations about the good stuff and the happy memories. If you notice others pulling you down with their negativity, try and change the subject or move away from them for a while. This is not a time to be dragged down by others as it can add to the strong emotions you may already be experiencing
Do something kind for someone else. Call an old friend. Tell someone you love them.
I’d love to know your thoughts on your experience of the Crimbo Limbo and if you’d like to add anything to my list?
If you’re a new parent or parent to be, or know wnyone who is, then i’ve created a Mindful Guide to Early Parenting which is online. The pilot launches on 20th January 2020 and is FREE to sign up.