Beyond Birth - Learn How To Build Mental Resilience
Pregnancy and Beyond Birth - How to Build Mental Resilience for ALL Parents
In this article, I'd like to talk to you about the importance of mental wellbeing practices. With the world as it is right now, we're going through a very challenging time. I'm on a mission to make sure we understand the importance of feeling good every day.
As an early parenting mental health practitioner, I'm seeing many new parents struggling with the uncertainly we're all facing during this pandemic. And many were struggling previously as well. But it doesn't have to be that way.
Life is challenging
Of course, there are many challenges involved in becoming parents. Pregnancy itself is a challenging, transformative time. But if we give our mental wellbeing the same sort of attention we provide to our physical health, we can have a much better experience.
There are many reasons why we might shy away from even thinking about our mental health. It can be a complex subject to fully understand. It may have something to do with the culture we live in or how we've been brought up. As a perinatal therapist and coach, I do a lot of work with people experiencing challenges in this area. And I'm genuinely honoured to help guide them through.
The power of visualisation
We can all benefit from the power of visualisation and sensory memory. Especially during the restrictions of this CV19 pandemic as we're mostly separated from our loved ones.
Close your eyes. Imagine being in the arms of being with the person you want to be with. Breathe them in. Remember how they smell. Remember how it feels to be cheek to cheek or just softening into their arms. Remember how their voice sounds… This is the power of visualisation.
We can think of our loved ones in this way whenever we choose to. We need to condition ourselves to remember to do it. That's the key. And yes, it does take a bit of effort to keep going and bring these ways of being into your life. But when you do it often enough, you will reap the rewards. Gradually, it becomes a new habit, a new way of being — a better way of living.
Take a self-compassionate approach
As a mother, I'm very much about forgiving myself and softening in the challenging moments. Mindfulness can help us all to do that. Take time for self-care, learn to love yourself in a way that perhaps you've not thought about before. It's not a fluffy hippie type of thing. It's a necessity.
It's my job to help people who may be feeling a little low, for whatever reason. They might be experiencing anxiety or have had a negative birthing experience. Suppose they had been shown some simple, effective mental wellbeing practices during pregnancy. They could have learned how to build resilience.
Now, that's not to take away the fact that things happen. And even with all the mental health strategies, some things will still floor us from time to time. But we can learn how to bounce back more quickly and how to manage our emotions more healthily. And by doing so, we can model that for our children as well, so they learn from a very young age to be resilient.
Sharing effective strategies with our children
I'm a mum of four boys, and I care very much about their mental wellbeing now and as they grow older. I'm sure if you're a parent, you'll no doubt feel the same about your child or children too. These uncertain times bring an additional layer of stress for parents, worrying how our children might be affected by all the restrictions and everything. All we want for our children is to be healthy and stable.
Thankfully, many schools are introducing mental wellbeing practices into the curriculum. Our primary school children are encouraged to openly discuss how they're feeling, which is very important. It's not necessarily something we experienced when we were at school.
Talking about our feelings is one thing. But learning how to sit with your feelings, thoughts, and emotions is something else altogether. Some schools are introducing mindfulness practices and teaching children to be more mindful. Learning these tools and techniques at a young age is fantastic. Hopefully, they'll have a better understanding and awareness of their own mental wellbeing.
What's important here is we start to do this for ourselves as well. We need to make looking after our mental health as intuitive and natural as brushing our teeth twice a day.
Think about what you're grateful for
What if we were to condition ourselves to take a pen and paper each morning and write down some things we're grateful for? How are we feeling right now? What do we need today? Perhaps we need a bit of a mantra or an affirmation to get us through the day. If we can do this as naturally as pulling on a dressing gown and going to get breakfast, this will make a difference.
Little things can make a big difference
You don't need to make drastic changes to your morning routine. I'm talking about little steps, micro-movements. I'm talking about being aware when our stress levels get in the way of how we're thinking. Or when we're being triggered just that bit too much. Perhaps we're unable to think clearly because we feel so stressed.
In those moments, it can be helpful to think: 'Okay, what do I need right now?' and 'How can I help myself get through these thoughts?' The work that I do with my Beyond Birth clients is about understanding how simple, effective mental wellbeing practices can make a difference. Practices such as:
Journaling
Affirmations
Relaxation
Visualisation
Being mindful
Taking time to check in with ourselves
We can do all of these with our children as an act of self-care. Learning together to take care of our own mental wellbeing. Can you imagine how much better we could all be at communicating our thoughts and feelings if we did this?
Keeping the wolf from the door
We need to work towards keeping ourselves balanced every day. If we take the time to access these simple, practical ways of being, we will be much more resilient to life's ongoing challenges, from pregnancy, through birth and into parenting.
We are all unique in the way we manage our situations and circumstances. And there's real beauty in that. We can't all be put into one big pot and told to do the same thing. What works for one person might not work for another. But what we can do is learn more about ourselves and our unique needs and requirements.
Checking in
Take a moment to check in right now. Put the anchor down and think about where you are on your unique emotional spectrum. Ask yourself now, 'How do I feel?' 'What is it I need today?' As you do this, remember, you'll be modelling valuable behaviour to your children. They will see and learn from you to take time to assess their emotions too. And they'll witness the beneficial effect this can have.
You know, sometimes you might need to have a cry and release that emotion. And it's okay for your children to see that. They'll learn from you that it's okay to do very little other than have a hug when one's needed. To be together. To communicate and express how we're feeling and what we need.
Take time for yourself
There are very few people who were taught to meditate by their parents. For most people, the idea of sitting and being zen, like a Buddha, is all a bit too woo-woo. And who's got time for that anyway?
Think about having a mindful approach to life. When you introduce being mindful into your every day, you will feel so much more content and whole. You'll have more zest, and you'll realise the power the mindfulness effect can have on your whole family. Trust me.
Even if we have good days, it's essential to take time to reflect and pause in our busy lives. It's so important that we see our mental wellbeing practices as non-negotiable, especially when we are most vulnerable, such as becoming parents ourselves. Learning who we are, adjusting, transforming, coping with a level of tiredness and depleted energy that we probably haven't experienced before. This is the time to take stock, press pause and discover what you need to refill and refuel your mental cup.
Your homework for today
My challenge to you is to take the time to check in with yourself. Not just today, but regularly. See how that makes you feel. Give yourself a bit of love and TLC. Allow yourself those moments of feeling good.
The inner child is in all of us
We all need parenting, even when we're parents ourselves. We have to choose to look after our own inner child in a way we do look after our own children. But remember, we can't get it right all the time. And that's okay. We can learn from what we might perceive as a failure and keep going. Keep learning and becoming more aware of what you need. Take the time to stop and listen to your inner child. It's an exceptionally fulfilling experience.
Beyond Birth, A Mindful Guide Early Parenting book
I wrote Beyond Birth, A Mindful Early Parenting for everyone to manage and maintain their mental wellbeing as you move through pregnancy, birth and into parenting. It's not only for people who may be experiencing mental ill-health; it's for everyone to help preserve their mental wellbeing. And hopefully, it can help prevent anyone from slipping into mental ill-health. The book is packed full of valuable ideas and tools. It's about compassion, nurture and recovery and doing it your way. You can find out more about it here
If you’d like me to support you, then I offer tailored 1:1 sessions. Get in touch by clicking on the CHAT button on my homepage and i’ll get back to you asap. x
Take good care of you. You are very, very important. Peace and love from me to you.
Sophie
xxx